A play on words

The End of Evangelion.....

2005-04-14T04:03:08Z

Alright, I watched the end of Evangelion this time around and even though the story came to an end (for the most part) it still didn't completely end, I don't under stand the whole thing, I guess I'll have to call Steve about it. At any rate it is now 23:02 and I am hungry. I will see you guys all later.

Peaces,
Brandon

Okay, a quick post....

2005-04-13T07:59:44Z

Alright, I just got done watching the Neon Genesis: Evangelion the series. I'm more pissed off now than I was when the second to last episode started. I have no idea what the fuck happened, I have no idea what the hell the whole point of the last two episodes were. Sooooooo confusing...... Soooooo tired now.

Good night.

A little update.....

2005-04-08T17:10:32Z

Okay, here's a little update for y'all:

1) I've been goin to Martial Arts and I got someone to sign up for it as well. I'm excited about that.

2) I may be moving to Texas at the end of the summer, that isn't final though, so who knows.

3) Still looking for a girl.

4) You know all of these things mean nothing compared to the fact that I am just enjoying what I do. I'm living my life the way I want to (well mostly I can't do something's because, last I checked, they were considered illegal) and I'm getting the most out of it.

My birthday is tomorrow! HOORAY! Oh well, it's only 22 I guess it's nothing to be extatic about, but you know, it's kind of hard to not be happy right now.

I'm making my way through Doom 3 (Dark 3 as my youngest brother calls it) and the game is getting fairly terrifying. Things move on their own or something gets up right in front of me and I jump, panic, and try to shoot it before anything happens to me. Sad to say though nothing happens half of the time, and I just wasted a shotgun shell or something like that. Oh well, it's fun to be scared every once in a while.

I've been playing my guitar more trying to get better and things aren't really coming out the way I want them too, but it's not like I can get it the first time anyway, I have to keep working at it, although my hands have gotten quicker.

That's it for me though, not much else to report. If something comes up I'll let ya know.

Peaces,
Brandon

A little here and there.

2005-02-22T06:22:14Z

Okay, first things first, I hate cold weather.

With that said I think I should say something about the weather in Fort Wayne, IN right now. Right now, it's like 33, 34, somewhere around in there, and frankly I'm sick of it. I don't care for the next three weeks of fucking winter. I don't, I hope they all die in a plane crash or something. We've been having like 2 days where it was near 60's then a week of 30's, then two day's of 60's, then a week of 30's. Yeah, totally sick of this shit.

At any rate, I went to Martial Arts the other night and now I'm sore. No matter how much I stretch I end up having all of my muscles quit on me for like 4 days or something.

Oh well, guess that's what I get. In other news I've been meeting new people and hanging out with them. I've kept myself busy with stuff. It's just a bunch of hubble right now, so yeah. I don't really know what to write in here right now. Nothing REALLY stands out for me right now. I'll write more later.

A letter....

2005-02-19T08:19:35Z

To whom ever cares to read this,

I write this to you as a notice, a reason, because by the time you read this it will already be to late. You see for the many years that I have been around I have taken so much abuse that I can't stand it anymore. No one wants me around to help them out so I serve no purpose to them anymore. Between being thrown to the wayside, completely ignored, or just flat out not wanted, I feel as though I am doing the world a great service.
I just don't understand though, I was listened to for so long. People trusted me with what I had to say, with what I stood for. I was loved, I was embraced, and now, well, you see what happens? Death, violence, destruction, broken hearts, shattered dreams, and it's all because no one wanted to listen to me anymore. Don't cry for me, weep for everyone else that would need me but will never know me because of the way things are. They will never know what it's like to be happy, safe, secure, to have the knowledge to keep us going. I don't want your tears, I don't want your mind on me. You've already created a life without me, there should be no reason to keep on going anymore.
Now you know how I feel, and now you know what you caused me to do. Next time you will use better judgement, but no one will be there to tell you what it should be or if it is your best decision. I'm sorry, but it's time to end.

To society, I will miss you, love always,
Common Sense

As the letter states I feel that things have gotten out of hand with society. Common sense it thrown by the wayside in replace you have it's older brother, fun. Fun can get you into trouble though, be it arrest, pregnancy, injury. Whatever it may be. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy fun like any other person but fun is like an animal, the longer out of its cage, the more destruction. Responsibility should be coupled with fun, but that isn't true anymore.

I'm sorry I can't go on, one I'm tired, and two this subject just pisses me off. I'll talk to you all laters.

Peaces,
Brandon

Alright, I'm goin' on a little tyraid.....

2005-01-31T04:18:42Z

Okay, there have been somethings that have come to my attention in the last few weeks that I think I want to address. Keep a few things in mind when I start stating these things. I'm in no way provoking a fight, these are the way I see things and nothing else. I am in no way targeting one specific person so don't go getting any funny ideas.

With those things said, I would also like to say that I will not name names during this tyraid. Just either racial classes or some other class. If I offend some of you, there's a little "X" in the top right corner of this window click, or hit your back button. Don't go complaining to someone about something I have said. As well, if you feel you would like to say something, go ahead. The more comments, the better the conversation.

The first class of people on my list are the goths. I used to be gothic, some would say I still am, but there are a few things I have noticed as of late that I do not fit in that would make me a goth, a few important details that are necessary. One being that goths have no regard or care for anyone's personal feelings. They think everyone's against them so before they even know the truth, they distance themselves from those people. They also get very aggressive, but they bitch, moan, whine, and write poetry. I mean come on, can we be any more of a stand-offish wimp than that? I don't mean that writing poetry isn't cool, if that's your thing that's fine, but to be a goth kid and to write poetry about slitting your wrists, or about death in general ALL THE TIME is retarded. Like wise happy shit in your poetry all the time is weak too. Come on, let's be realistic, one the world isn't after your blood, you just think it is. Two, you have friends that all follow the same belief system, so if you don't want to be one of the sheep, don't be a goth. It's a whole community. I mean seriously, you walk in droves and smoke your cigarettes and bitch about people being a part of the system, but you buy your clothes from "Hot Profit". Granted I'm not expecting you to listen to me, you're probably saying "What does he know about me? How can he possibly understand the pain that put me in a place like this?" You're right, I don't know you, I don't know what you've gone through. I do know this though. You are alive. You can breath, and you can raise your middle fingers. If your parents still love you, and you stand against them, where will you be when you need them and they remember what YOU have put them through. Telling them that they don't know what they are talking about is stupid. Telling them that they have no idea what you go through is rediculous. Remember they were your age at one point too. Remember that they had parents as well. I'm willing to bet that they told their parents the same thing, that they thought the same things. I know that I have been through things similar to you. I've lost family members that were REAL close to me. I've had to deal with rejection most of my life. I've felt alone even in a crowded room. All of that stuff that you have gone through I have as well. So let down those walls that you have put up, listen to your heart, not what other people tell you, not what your music tells you. Listen to what you believe. Take other peoples advice everyonce in a while. Trust someone, just do it. All that other stuff. I'm done with this topic.

Topic two is racism itself. I have come to the conclusion that by going to the high school that I did, it has made me fairly racist. I know this because I feel a certain measure of irritation when people act certain ways when they fit into the stereotype that has been created for them. Be it, "Gangsters", wiggers, chinks, trailer trash, common class whitey. No matter who it is, I have been watching people and what they do, who they think they are, and why. It's weird but I have come to the conclusion that black people are more racist than anyone else. For a black person to say that they were disrespected because they are black is retarded. It's someone that can't let go, someone who doesn't understand that they were freed ummmm, 100 some odd years ago. Sure they have their holiday's hell, they have their whole month, as well as their own TV channel, but from what I have seen lately they aren't satisfied. I'm willing to bet that if they finally elected a black person president we would never hear the end of it. That things are all done for the black man so that he would shut up, or something like that. I would put money on it that we would see a lot of White Supremacy movements, but plenty of Black Supremacy movements that would compete with them to round out the competition. I know a lot of this is not making sense but it's helping me somewhat right now.

Finally, snobby people that want everything now and whine and bitch and moan to get their way. Can I just shoot them in the face? Please?

Alright, now that I have that out of my system I will say somethings that has occured since I last posted. (I know it's been a while, I'll keep it short I promise.)

I've been RP'in with my friend Julie a lot lately, and things are going well with that.

Nicole and I got back together for a while before we both decided that we would be better off seeing other people, and now this is the last time. I swear it.

I went to go see my friend Jennifer in Bloomington and she's doing well. I had a lot of fun over the weekend with her, and her roommate, and their friends. We drank Saturday night and that was a blast, let me tell you. :-D

Finally, I decided that I am going to go to Otakon this year again. I can't wait. I am going to have so much fun it will be awesome. I'm just trying to figure out where I will get the money to buy all the stuff I want..... He he he.

Well, that's pretty much all I have to say other than "I HATE SNOW!"

Peaces,
Niblade

November 25, 2004.

2004-11-26T05:40:10Z

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone that I love! Peaces to all and happy holidays.

Okay....

2004-11-20T18:35:57Z

Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex for PS2 all I have to say on that.

New post on reviewmutt's LJ.

Ender

2004-11-08T22:10:47Z

Here I am beside myself again
I'm torn apart by words that you have said
All in all, I know we're falling apart
Where did you run to so far away?

And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep against the window pane
Just like always

You said you like to hear the rain sometimes
And all I can do is tell you the truth
and Oh, my eyes will tell you the same

And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep again
And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep again
And here I am, beside myself again

We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result
We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result
We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result
We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result (RESULT!!)

(We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result)
(We grasp our hands, together we feel
We are one result)

This is probably one of their better songs and I enjoy listening to it quite a bit. It's a perfect description of how I feel a lot of the time. I just like the song. If you are curious just go download it or find a way of getting it. It's awesome.

Pet

2004-11-06T18:31:28Z

Don't fret precious I'm here
Step away from the window
And go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you
Like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice
And other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you
Like I do
Just stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices, son
They're one and the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drum
The boogeymen comin'
The boogeymen comin'
Keep your head down
Go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
I'll hold you and protect you from the other ones
The evil ones
Don't love you son
Go back to sleep

A Stranger

2004-11-05T19:01:08Z

cast the calming apple
up and over satellites
to draw out the timid wild one
to convince you it's alright
and I listen for the whisper
of your sweet insanity while I formulate
denials of your effect on me

you're a stranger
so what do i care
you vanish today
not the first time I hear
all the lies

what am I to do with all this silence
shy away, shy away phantom
run away terrified child
won't you move away you fuckin tornado
I'm better off without
tearing my will down

So much for that...

2004-11-02T10:54:28Z

Okay, so, so much for the whole "things are good between Nicole and I" from yesterday. By the time the night was over I became single once again. She and I decided that we were both destructive to each other, not constructive like we should be. Man, I don't wanna sound like a wuss, but I cried, and as soon as she started talking I began thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and that my Grandma that had just passed away liked Nicole also. Thanksgiving and Christmas are gonna be rough, and I don't know what I am going to do. I was real close to my grandma. REAL close and things are just like, blah. So yeah, I finally grieved over my grandma's passing, and now my head hurts. I'm also tired, so I think I will go to bed now.

Peaces,
Niblade

Just sittin' here.

2004-11-01T22:48:33Z

Yeah, I'm just sittin' here chillin' with nothin' to do right now, so I decided to fill this out once again. Let's see, hmmmm, I guess to start I answered my cell phone in my sleep once again the other night. I woke up to find the phone not on the charger but on the opposite side of the bed from where the charger is. Then Nicole came over and we hung out for a bit, then she went to work. Then an hour later I went to work. Sucked as usual, more and more it seems that people aren't trusting the cashiers in our store. Oh well, I guess you can't truly trust anyone with money anymore. Oh well, last night I was playin' Unreal Tournament 2004 for a little bit, got to the last map and kept gettin' my face wiped on the concrete so I gave up and went to bed.

Oh a little side note, we now have grandma's car, which makes 5 vehicles for our family now. Yeah, it looks like a used fuckin' care lot at our house now.

Today is good. I snapped awake at 11:45, not just woke up, SNAPPED AWAKE! I mean, can't father time be nice and just wake me up? NO! Oh well, Steve came over today and we played one of the greatest games ever. GTA: San Andreas. It rocks our socks let me tell ya. I mean yeah, totally rocks. Anyway, it's now 5:36 p.m. and I'm debating whether or not to go to martial arts. I know if I don't go then I will have to go on Wednesday, and if I don't go then, I will be there on Thursday. I would go on Friday, but I can't cause I work most of the time that they are having it. Man, work is really sucking though, I can't wait for the Christmas season to end that way I can transfer into the store and away from the money's that no one trusts me with.

I'm now getting hungry and can't eat, why? Because if I go to martial arts, I would get sick from the food. It happens often to people. They eat meat and then get sick. It's now 5:46 p.m. and I have decided not to go to martial arts tonight, it's raining and I know it's cold and yeah I just don't want to go. So I am going to try and think of something to do, maybe a movie, or window shopping. I'm not all to sure, but I know one thing. I'm done with this. I may write later. Who knows.

Oh and another by the way, Nicole and I are really good now. We have worked things out and come to and understanding. So things are workin good for me for the moment.

niblade @ 2004-10-26T08:05:00

2004-10-26T13:04:55Z

Burn, burn, burn the books of sanity. Everything you have known is of no use to you now. Just grab the reigns and let the horse guide you. This is all that love has to say. Love is twisted, evil, tormenting, and sick. It gives a false hope of happiness, it causes an alarming level of desire, and in spite of it all, it hides behind a mask of companionship. Love is twisted, cruel, narsasistic, and lifeless. Passion, passion is a true way of living. Be it passion for a hobby, passion for a person, passion for an inanimate object. Passion is a true sense of being, a purpose, a driving force. If you don't have passion you don't have the drive. There is no hope, no desire.

What am I doing? Who am I doing it too? Where do I go when it's over? When I get to the end, is it truly the end? Answers I seek, but only more questions do I find.

Sleep has snuck in, and now has taken my mind. I must go, before my body does before me. Goodnight and may all that is merry in your life continue to provide you with pleasure because anything on this earth is a loss. The only true gain is in heaven.

A new one.

2004-10-14T00:36:22Z

Okay, I have a new name, it's reviewmutt. it's in the same spirit that Steve-O has. He reviews things with a seperate name, so I will do the same. Look for the first review soon. Oh and by the way, I am somewhat biased about certain things, but I will attempt to do the best I can to review fairly.

Good idea Jester.....

2004-10-12T23:16:48Z

What is your name?:Brandon
Are you named after anyone?: Not that I am aware of
What's your screename?: Niblade
Would you name a child of yours after you?: Nope.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: I think they said Amber
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: No one, I like who I am.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Yeah, Branden
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: It wouldn't matter, I would forever be known as Cam's or Mitch's brother.

Basics
Your gender:: male
Straight/Gay/Bi:: Straight only
Single?: Nope
If not, do you want to be?: No
Birthdate:: April 9th 1983
Your age:: 21
Age you act:: Mostly 16
Age you wish you were:: Don't want to be any older than I am now, and don't care to be young again.
Your height:: 6 foot 7 inches (200.66 cm)
Eye color:: Blue/Grey
Happy with it?: Yeah.
Hair color:: Dirty Blonde
Happy with it?: Yeah, it's straight till it gets to a certain length
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Righty
Your living arrangement:: House with 2 stories and basement
Your family:: Father, mother, 2 brothers
Have any pets?: Used to have a cat but she sadly passed away
Whats your job?: I work at a flippin' gas station
Piercings?: Nope, not sure if I want any either
Tattoos?: Not yet, but I will eventually
Obsessions?: Music, Girls (mainly my girl), games
Addictions?: Hmmmm..... :-D
Do you speak another language?: I can count in Japanese, but other than that, no.
Have a favorite quote?: "I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the father except through me." ~ The late great JC
Do you have a webpage?: Used too, but haven't updated, so geocities shut it down.

Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?: I try to.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: I think people are more tolerant of me.
Do you have any secrets?: I don't think so, I tend to forget things.
Do you hate yourself?: Nope, you have to live with yourself, what's the point in hate?
Do you like your handwriting?: You know, I was looking at it the other day, and yeah I do. It's unique.
Do you have any bad habits?: Yeah, but I'm not saying.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: Man, you're tall.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: It already has been made (not to the T but hey not everyone's perfect) It's Airheads.
What's your biggest fear?: Being alone
Can you sing?: Yeah
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No, I do it to look like an ass.
Are you a loner?: Sometimes, but that's when I'm alone. :-P
What are your #1 priorities in life?: My health, my faith, my family, my girl, my friends
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yeah, I have my funny moments.
Are you a daredevil?: To my own extreme's, yes.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: Shhhh, not while I'm listening.
Are you passive or agressive?: A little of both
Do you have a journal?: Yeah.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:
Streangth - I'm friendly
Weekness - I'm very aggressive
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Like I said, not while I'm listening.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: I don't cry, so I guess so.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: No regrets, only learning experiences
Do you think life has been good so far?: I wouldn't be typing here if it wasn't.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Stress to much about small things, and one big thing will kill ya.
What do you like the most about your body?: he he he, my big feet and hands. ;-)
And least?: My hair, it's to short to style, but not long enough to not look ratty.
Do you think you are good looking?: I have my days.
Are you confident?: Hell yeah.
What is the fictional character you are most like?: Goku (DBZ)
Are you perceived wrongly?: Yeah, until they get to know me.
Do You...
Smoke?: No.
Do drugs?: No.
Read the newspaper?: Yeah.
Pray?: Yes, every night.
Go to church?: When I can.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: Yeah, curiousity get's the best of me.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
Take walks in the rain?: Sometimes.
Talk to people even though you hate them?: Nope, doing my friends injustice is not cool at all.
Drive?: Yes.
Like to drive fast?: Hecks yeah
Would or Have You Ever
Liked your voice?: Yeah, only when I sing though, not when I talk.
Hurt yourself?: Ummm yeah.
Been out of the country?: No.
Eaten something that made other people sick?: No.
Been in love?: Yeah.
Done drugs?: No.
Gone skinny dipping?: Yeah.
Had a medical emergency?: Once
Had surgery?: Once
Ran away from home?: No.
Played strip poker?: No. but I would if I was ever asked too.
Gotten beaten up?: No.
Beaten someone up?: Yeah.
Been picked on?: Yeah
Been on stage?: It's been awhile, but yeah
Slept outdoors?: Yeah.
Thought about suicide?: No,
Pulled an all nighter?: Yeah.
If yes, what is your record?: 24 hours. I'm a big guy, so I need my sleep.
Gone one day without food?: I've gone several with only eating one hot dog a day.
Talked on the phone all night?: Yeah
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Yes
Slept all day?: Yup
Killed someone?: Would I be here if I didn't?
Made out with a stranger?: No
Had sex with a stranger?: Ummm, no
Thought you're going crazy?: No.
Kissed the same sex?: No.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Nope.
Been betrayed?: Often
Had a dream that came true?: Yes
Broken the law?: Yes, many a time.
Met a famous person?: Yeah, many a HXC band.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yes
On purpose?: Yeah, plenty of flies.
Told a secret you swore not to tell: Yeah
Stolen anything?: No.
Been on radio/tv?: No.
Been in a mosh-pit?: Do Dance pits count?
Had a nervous breakdown?: Not yet
Bungee jumped?: No
Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?: Hell yeah, we weren't chance, so who's to say that there wasn't another creation
Miracles?: Yeah.
Astrology?: No
Magic?: <~~ A stupid excuse for people to think they're cool.
God?: Yeah
Satan?: Yes, I see him in my dreams, I know he's real.
Santa?: No.
Ghosts?: All of the supernatural, yes.
Luck?: No
Love at first sight?: Yes.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Yes
Witches?: Nope
Easter bunny?: No
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: It's possible, I just didn't
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: No
Do you wish on stars?: Used to.

Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: Yes
Do you think God has a gender?: No
Do you believe in organized religion?: yes
Where do you think we go when we die?: To heaven or hell.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: I used too.
Who is your best friend?: Steve-O and Dave
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Steve-O
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: Don't be afraid
Your favourite inside joke?: Don't have an inside joke.
Who's your longest known friend?: Steve
Newest?: Nicole
Shyest?: Sarah
Funniest?: Steve
Sweetest?: (kindest) Michelle
Closest?: Steve
Weirdest?: All of them
Smartest?: (wisest) Steve
Ditziest?: Kellye
Friends you miss being close to the most?: I'm close to them all.
Last person you talked to online?: Michelle
Who do you talk to most online?: Julie, or Matt, or Susan
Who are you on the phone with most?: Nicole
Who do you trust most?: I used to not trust anyone, but now I know I need to trust everyone
Who listens to your problems?: All of my friends
Who do you fight most with?: Steve (martial arts. :-))
Who's the nicest?: All of them are nice
Who's the most outgoing?: Dave
Who's the best singer?: Kellye, Steve, and I
Who's on your shit-list?: Not saying
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: Most of my friends are ex's right now, so yes, I have had sex with them
Who's your second family?: Steve's family
Do you always feel understood?: Hell yeah
Do you trust others easily?: No, but then you can't watch them all the time.
Who's house were you last at?: I think Dave's
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: There isn't one, we all watch out for each other
Do your friends know you?: Yes
Friend that lives farthest away: Wow, Susan
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: Nope, more of a blessing
What do you find romantic?: That depends on who does it.
Turn-on?: her touch, the way she dresses, and last but not least, her personality
Turn-off?: Smoking, excessive drinking, drugies.
First kiss?: Jennifer Berry
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: Ummm yeah I get that all the time, and it's hard
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: I prefer to get to know them while dating.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: What is socially acceptable anymore?
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv: No
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: I would hope so.
What is best about the opposite sex?: What's not the best thing?
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: That time of the month
What's the last present someone gave you?: Of material, some t-shirts
Are you in love?: Ummmm, you could say that.
Do you consider your significant other hot?: Hell yeah, sometimes I wonder how I got her.

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Justine
You wanted to kill?: Not really sure.
That you laughed at?: Andrea
That laughed at you?: They all laugh at me
That turned you on?: Nicole
You went shopping with?: I haven't been shopping in a while.
That broke your heart?: Justine
To disappoint you?: No one
To ask you out?: Nicole
To make you cry?: My grandma died, and I cried on the inside.
To brighten up your day?: Nicole
That you thought about?: Nicole cause I just mentioned here.
You saw a movie with?: Nicole
You talked to on the phone?: Nicole
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Michelle
You saw?: My youngest bro Mitch
You lost?: My grandma, she left us all. (R.I.P. Grandma)
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: No.
Will it be with your significant other?: No.
Or some random person?: No.
What are you wearing right now?: Nothing. (nudity is the best.)
Body part you're touching right now:: That spot where your thigh connects to your hip where it folds when you sit.
What are you worried about right now?: Going to work, I don't know what I am going to find when I get there.
What book are you reading?: The brain and Psychoacoustics (I think that's what it's called)
What's on your mousepad?: A little wrist gel rest.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Tired, sore, exhausted, slightly horny, restless
Are you bored?: Not really
Are you tired?: Yeah
Are you talking to anyone online?: No
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No
Are you lonely or content?: Content
Are you listening to music?: Yeah, it's a mix CD of stuff, but I don't know the names.

Shameless Plug: http://www.ghoststudy.com <~~ THey have new images for the month!

A thought that actually was not sparked by me.

2004-10-07T23:36:39Z

Okay, so Tuesday night was working third shift right? Everything was going fine, I was getting things done, doin' what I was supposed to do. Then at about 2:30 Wednesday morning a lady walks up to my window. Which is normal given the fact that I can only help people through the window. At any rate she told me something that was very inspiring, kind of strange, but the meaning and faith she had was really inspiring. She needed hot water cause she sleeps in her car and she asked me if I had a problem with the fact that everything she touches God blesses, and you know someone who says something to you like that most people would laugh and be whatever. But the sincerity that the lady had and the fact that she was open about something as dangerous as that (by dangerous I mean I could have easily laughed at her and told her whatever) it intrigued me. Later on that night I was thinking and I had realized just how far off I have traveled from my walk with Christ. I thank the lady for helping me realize this as it was far more embarassing for me to think of all the things I had done that God would much rather snap my neck than look at me.

What makes things even more interesting is that yesterday I was having a heart to heart with Nicole and I said something about "Who decides who you are? is it evolution? Your parents? God? You?" And not more than 3 minutes later she was like, "maybe that's what I need, maybe I need to seek God for my life." I was all thinkin' to myself,"Okay God, you've given me what I need to do." So I told her that I would take her to my church on a Saturday or sometime when it's not early morning and she can see if it's truly what she feels in her heart. I was expecting her to say "no I'll do it on my own." But she told me okay, I'll do it. So now I am truly rethinking my way of life. Both of us have chosen to Abstain, which I doubt will hold because we know what it feels like and we both like the feelings, but maybe we can hold out for like once a month or longer. But I am truly rethinking the way things are.

I hope some of you that are feeling as though you are still alone even though you have tons of friends, I hope that you seek Christ. Seriously it will help you feel better. I'm not gonna ride you for the sins that you commit because I commit the same sins. If you need someone that can truly love though, Christ is the man. Look at it this way, he won't turn his back on you if you keep your faith. Don't look for the super miracles either, it's always the smaller ones that you should be seeing.

For instance two years ago my car was totaled. It sucked, but the kicker is that when the guy hit me, he knocked me into oncoming traffic and the big muscle car that would have killed both myself and my girlfriend at the time, missed us. It went off into a ditch. That's a miracle considering how little time that driver had to react. God isn't one to move mountains to where they shouldn't be. So consider the smaller things in life and God will make big changes.

I've said all that needs to be said. If you wanna talk, you know how to get ahold of me.

Peaces,
Brandon

I'm sick of this.....

2004-10-05T22:43:10Z

I'm gettin' really sick of this crap. Musicians telling us their political views is becoming something that you are seeing more and more. Granted that I enjoy their music very much it just makes me upset, especially when they put a message to their song that's trying to influence your vote.

A song that comes to mind that's like is Nonpoint's "The Truth". I love the song, I love seeing them live, heavy as hell, but the song is just so blatently obvious that they are trying to point out one side of the story that it makes me furious to no end. I also caught Green Day's new video and song, although they aren't trying to force a decision on you, they still have a blatently political video and song. The most political one that comes to mind right now is no one more than A Perfect Circle. They have a new CD coming out on November 2nd and it's entirely political. Although APC is one of my favorite bands, and I will most likely purchase the CD. I still don't agree with the way things are being handled.

Yes I know November 2nd is coming soon and that things are going to get a little heated, but musicians have a certain duty to us the consumer. To provide us with entertaining content that we should enjoy listening too. They are too keep us happy when the worst of things happen. Like when 9/11 happened (yeah, I'm sick of everything coming back to that as well) they were all out writing songs, performing, doing their thing to keep everyone strong and enjoying their music.

I'm done ranting and raving about that now, and truthfully I don't have anything else to say. I'm gonna go take a shower now.

Peaces,
Niblade

Shameless Plug: http://www.animemusicvideos.org <~~ Check out Otakon '04 videos there!

A new entry..

2004-10-01T14:16:35Z

Okay, so yeah, yesterday was weird. It wasn't necessarily one of my hottest days, but then again when is there? As far as having a hot day, it's like everything I do, I do right for the most part. Little to no mistakes, but lately I have been doing things wrong, for instance, when I go to work and we are trying to be efficeint, so we have a habit of tossing things around, lately I haven't been catching them like I should be. I totally don't understand it.

Well, to dwell on this a little further, I made one of the dumbest mistakes I can, I turned my back on my instructor in the dojo. >D'OH< I payed for it too. Only 10 push-ups but still, I had done 20 earlier in the night and I was a little bit worn from that, but at any rate, the more exercise I get, the better.

There is another issue I have, and it's a big one. Steve, I know how you think about some of the things that I do, that you wished I wouldn't and I know I shouldn't and I'm sorry. I'm truly afraid though, I don't want it to be true. I really should quit having sex with Nicole, but it's become more of an addiction than anything else, the whole thing. It's just tough to give up. Nicole may be pregnant, and you know it's like it scares me that I may be giving up a lot, but then I think, "What am I truly giving up?" We love each other, and I am in the process of securing a new job that would help set myself into a better life than what I have now. I guess the thing that really scares me is that she doesn't see things the same way that I do. I'm scared that if she is pregnant that it will scare here and she'll get an abortion. She and I have talked about this before and I've told her that if anything, no abortion but adoption. You know what I mean? I just can't stand having my child being put to death before being able to defend itself. It's not fair and I've told her that. Although I have also told her that I will not hold her back from doing what she wants to do, so I'm at a character stand still I guess you could say. I'm just hoping she's not pregnant and we can all go on living our lives.

Speaking of new things, like I mentioned earlier, I may be securing a new job at Avery-Dennison. It's the place that makes the sticky paper for the beer labels and address labels and they pay about $10/hour. That's some hardcore cash there and things would be great for me if that were the case that I could nail this job. At my young age of 21 my life would be good.

Oh well, I suppose I should get dressed and ready for school. I'm already going to be late, may as well make it fashionable.

Peaces,
Brandon

p.s. I hope this doesn't change how you think of me Steve, your friendship is what keeps me going right now. Being my bro and all this is really tough for me to say this, so yeah.

Okay, I'm sure you've all been waitin......

2004-09-28T09:29:07Z

Okay, I'm sure you've all been waitin for these photos like Steve has. A reminder that these were taken with a crappy ass disposable (never again either). So here they are, the cosplayers that I had the guts to bother and take their picture.

The better of the Hellsing guys there.

My personal favorite, Devil Hunter Yohko.

An odd and unlikely duo, Link and Yuna

A no need for intro.

Cloud and Sephiroth posing for some people around.

In my opinion the best Sephiroth there.

Of course the very attractive YuRiPa.

A freakin' badd ass, Auron RULES!

Steves friend and her boyfriend.

This was to be the hottest picture taken there, but no, STUPID CAMERA, DUMB DEALER ROOM! Oh well.

So yeah, those are the pics that I'm sure everyone was on their seat about. Not many, but you know, it's better than none. At least I can say I was there and I have proof.

Oh well, I'm gonna go. I have some work that needs to be done.

Peaces,
Niblade

Every beginning has an end.....

2004-09-22T02:37:35Z

You know, sometimes I get drawn into something that I know I should learn from, and yet.... Learning is a process that has a tendency to be very painful. Why? Why must one suffer like this?

You share a brush of death with someone that you thought you were in love with and she turns her back on you and cheats on you.

You put your hand on a hot stove, you get burned.

These are learning experiences, whether emotional or a learning for a reflex impulse. Why in the hell does it have to hurt so. Why can't I get over her and continue on with the one I am with? Even though things are different now, I am more confident in what I do, I still have that insecurity that makes me desire acommpanyment from the opposite sex.

She and I sat down and talked about things and I think this relationship will be ending soon, but I don't want it to but at the sametime I don't like these games and I want them to end. It's all so tough, I just can't take this.

I am in no way suicidal but sometimes I feel as though I am already dead to the world. It's the way I used to be, who I was at one point in my life. Sometimes I wish I could go back to who I was, before I started dating, before all of this. Yet sometimes I'm glad that I have changed, I'm happy, well, most of the time. I have fun, I guess that's important.

Well, I'm done. I must go now anyway.

Peaces,
Niblade

Shameless Plug: http://www.stickdeath.com

Ummmm yeah.....

2004-09-19T19:20:40Z

Yeah, so Nicole was right, I got sick. I got what she did. It sucks, it's like a cold but worse. You're body heats up quickly, you get a pluged nose, you're always tired, constantly miserable cause your head hurts. Yeah, it's really no fun.

I was supposed to hang out with Kellye tonight, but not anymore. I was supposed to go to the dojo tomorrow with Steve, but I don't think I want to do that either.

I don't have the energy to do anything, I don't even want to go to work, but I don't really have a choice in that one. Oh well, I'll get going, I gots to get dressed for work right now.

Peaces,
Niblade

Shameless Plug: http://www.ebaumsworld.com

Just a plug.

2004-09-18T19:28:28Z

Shameless Plug: http://www.realultimatepower.net

Sleep, a true friend.....

2004-09-18T08:28:58Z

I have come to the conclusion that sleep can be on of the best friends one could ever have. It never betrays you. Although it can be late, it always comes. It's always fun to have around. You can have it any time. You see what I am saying? It makes sense to me.

Oh well, I don't really have much to say, other than my computer is really pissin me off. Oh well, I guess I have to deal with it, until I can afford newer stuff.

Peaces,
Niblade

Shameless Plug: http://www.hxcmp3.com/bands/15161/ <~~~ For those HXC fans out there
Shameless Plug 2: http://www.good-tutorials.com <~~~ Photoshop tutorials

The end of hell nights....

2004-09-17T02:38:58Z

Okay, I was gonna write the other day but I didn't because I had some class work to do. At any rate I am writing now, and I have had some time to think. Here's what I have come up with.

I hate working at Meijer, it's the worst place to work and I am sorry for getting a job there.

I enjoy working out at the dojo, it gets me feeling a lot better, having my technique being my only focus and having nothing else be my concern, it helps take my mind off of things.

I have also come to the conclusion that, because I am taking Karate, I need a character that uses Karate to cos-play as, you know assuming I go next year. Some of them that I have come up with:

1. Goku
2. Vegeta
3. Sub Zero
4. Zell Dincht
5. Ein from DOA2

Those are the ones I have come up with. If anyone has any other suggestions, please feel free to suggest.

Anyway, I have spoken enough. Time to go find something to do with my time.

Peaces,
Brandon

Shameless plug link: http://www.ghoststudy.com